Sorry is a tiny word but can pack a lot of punch when necessary. It is certainly a smart idea to use it more generously in order to deal with the fragility and complexities of life and relationship. We often teach our children to say sorry when at fault, or in case of selfish behavior. It’s a part of proper upbringing– to have a well-rounded growth. Initially, most of the apologies are used mechanically when we are very young and do not understand the gravity and power of this word, but as life progresses and we enter into adulthood this tiny little word shows its might anywhere and everywhere; especially whenever we inflict hurt or pain in the lives of loved ones and occasionally strangers.
Growing up “sorry” was just an adjunct word which I used reluctantly and rarely often times for fun sake, much to the dismay of others. It did not mean much to my young mind and was not at all a reflection of good manners in my mind at that point and that time of my life. It was just a casual expression for something that I never paid much attention to except for few occasions and incidents. Then, little did I know about the might of this tiny powerhouse. Inadvertently, this mighty little five letter word has become my constant companion and savior in desperate situations. However, it should not be inferred that I am wreaking havoc in the lives of people around me, because of which I need to use it more often. Certainly not, but nevertheless, I am more open and less stubborn to use it whenever the situation demands or the need arises.
This realization came from a deeper sense of consciousness and thirst for self-appreciation; a sense of longing and emotional fulfillment that cannot be explained but only felt. It also came from a wiser understanding of relationships and the fact that every action has and will have a reaction. This acute sense of hurt, pain, right and wrong at some point coaxed the better mind and heart inside me to appreciate and value the real treasures—“the real people”, to look at them closely, hear their side of the story and feel what they felt. As a result the bitterness melted and a new person could emerge from the ashes of false ego, superficiality and coldness. Contrary to my earlier beliefs, an apology if there was any made me feel better as a person and relieved me from my mortal apprehensions and insecurities. It also made me realize that no one is perfect in this imperfect world and most certainly it wouldn’t hurt to apologize, mend the relationship with people who matter and move ahead in life. Being a proponent of positive living it was the most natural outcome for me and for those who mattered. Thereafter, it also established the fact that, saying sorry was not at all a demolition of anyone’s personality or destruction of someone’s self professed pompous ego. On the contrary, it was something that had the capacity to make my heart little heartier and probably healthier than before.
“Sorry” occupies an elevated position in all kinds of relationships. When we are involved or engaged in irrational or unacceptable behavior, “sorry” can be “God sent”, “manna.” Surprisingly, a little bit of apology can go a long way, much farther than we would expect. For example, if you have been a bad actor in your relationship or have inflicted emotional injuries, “an apology” can be your savior if the damages are not too serious, and still repairable. However, when the emotional wounds and pains are too deep, at that point “an apology” is not enough, and would lead to serious consequences. It should be pointed out that some damages are beyond repair and no amount of “sorry” or “thank you” can save you from the wrath of the wronged party in question. The idea is to apologize while the damages are still under control and the other party is willing to accept your apology.
In reality, life is too short and too beautiful to carry grudges or repugnance toward anybody. There are numerous instances of relationships gone awry due to false and bloated egos of people concerned for no substantial gain one way or the other. Interestingly, and sadly it is not uncommon to see marriages gone kaput, sibling relationships gone out of control and even parent child relationship in an embarrassing fix due to unapologetic conducts and behaviors. The crux of the matter is, all this could have been fixed by a simple “sorry.” Undoubtedly, it’s a difficult task to muster courage, and rise above the normal mortal vices to say “sorry” to someone, and reset the relationship for the better and smoother life for all, at once. However, the silver lining in the cloud is, when there is an expression of apology, it is also a recognition and acknowledgement of the value and love for the people who actually matter. An apology reinvents pain stricken souls from the dark corners of mistrust and neglect and reenergizes the otherwise dried up and scant emotions of people. Therefore, a heartfelt apology to nurture and extend the existing relationship is not a bad idea, especially if that can be achieved by taking responsibility for your mistakes or alleged mistakes.
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It should be pointed out that unemotional apologies are futile, simply due to its mechanical predisposition. In such cases the offender would commit the same mistake again because they simply fail to understand the pains of the other side.
Therefore, casual apologies do not mean anything and have no power to heal or repair any damages. However, emotional and heartfelt apologies have the healing power and the intention to understand, and repair the broken trust and relationships like none other. In such cases both parties understand the hurt and pain caused by a situation. Apology softens toughened hearts, and helps aggrieved parties construct a relationship that in future would be longer lasting and less frivolous. If we are able to harness the power of “apology” half the marriages would be saved from failing, most of the parent child relationship would be restored as intended and much of the bitterness of the heart and mind would just fade away into oblivion.
Conclusively, it is not easy to say sorry, but it is not as difficult as being left out and lonely. We are after all designed and wired to make mistakes as a result of our imperfections. However, due to these imperfections each of us are unique and beautiful in our own way. Unfortunately, we have forgotten the very basic law of nature. Nature is constantly changing, and that does tell us something that we need to accept and adapt. We too ought to change and make way for better, loving and more fulfilling lives, if that requires us to make few changes in the way we live and handle our relationships with people around us. It is absolutely worthless to plunder ourselves of the precious life that was given to us and forever be the prisoner of unwarranted, unhealthy and falsified self-ego which serves no one and does no good. Instead of bottling up from inside, it is better to share feelings with loved ones and nurture the relationship. Life was always meant for love, friendship, togetherness and camaraderie. It should remain that way. End of the day nothing matters but the life well lived. To rise above and beyond the normal established beliefs would certainly pave way for happiness and success in life as intended both spiritually and emotionally. Emotional stability and inner harmony are the two basic elements that make our lives worth living. However, if we keep clinging to the lesser virtues of life, the very promise of life is threatened. Therefore, it’s in the interest of our own existence to rise above ourselves and enjoy life with our loved ones and have a legacy for those who are watching us.
I entered the world crying, I want to live with a smile and would like to die in happiness. For all of this I don’t mind saying “sorry” to those who matter. End of the day I would have lived a good life.
Sangeeta Rana
