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The big debate: Working women versus Women homemakers

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Home is where comfort and love resides in sacrosanct with loyalty, dedication, duty and responsibility. Home is the first and foremost place where we live, relax, grow and learn most of the basic tools that are essential for our development and growth. Home is basically a reflection of who we are and what sweat and toil went into making it. Therefore the only people who should be credited more than anybody for converting the brick and concrete structure into a loving, cozy and comfortable abode would be women. Since time immemorial, women have been playing a pivotal role in creating a warm and harmonious place for mankind commonly known as home. In earlier days women were mostly considered and expected to stay at home and take care of the families, while men were the bread winners. That was the perfect division of labor between two entities of the family system. However as the society started to change at the turn of the century, due to more and more emphasis on education and technological advancements the traditional family system came under tremendous overhaul. Furthermore, the newly educated, trained and empowered women were more than ready to step out of their cozy homes and make their presence felt in the territory previously dominated by men. This transformation challenged the age old gender roles, and for good. Resultantly, today women are now as empowered, financially independent and domineering as their male counterparts on all the platforms such as medical, technological, scientific, military and so on. This trend as empowering as it was, also gave rise to some serious concerns regarding the proper balance and efficient functioning of the family as it used to be in the traditional family system. Categorically, women got divided into two sections namely, working women and homemakers. Therefore, debate between the working women and homemakers came into force.

Both groups of women have their own shares of challenges as well as victories, which has been a subject of much robust debate in terms of the role of modern women in the wake of educational and technological advancements.  There is quite a divide among people as to which is the better path for women going forward. Undoubtedly, both types of women have their work cut out for them and have many responsibilities which they are required to fulfill irrespective of their choice of work. It should also be noted that women do feel confounded from time to time as to which route to choose, in order to feel empowered, loved and financially independent at the same time. There is always a conflict in the minds of women, both working and homemakers in terms of maintaining the balance between the work and their family life.

Modern women whether working or staying at home face with numerous challenges, obstacles and rewards in their daily lives. With technological advancements, complex lifestyles, education and training more and more women have chosen to join the workforce and enjoy the benefits of equal opportunities financial and civic liberties as well as gender equalities. The role of women also kept changing because of the rising costs of living and increasing income gaps, which in many cases made women to step up and step out in order to supplement the financial pool of the family. Today, working women are active partners in financial decisions and other important matters pertaining to household along with their partners. They are on a solid footing as far as adding extra money to the family kitty is concerned. Therefore, the combined income of both the partners certainly serves as a flourishing financial foundation for the entire family, which helps them achieve most of their material goals. It should also be pointed out that working women, apart from taking care of their professional commitments have to look after their families and their day to day needs or arrange for external help in the event of their absence. For them it’s a continuous juggling between work and family life which can be a tight rope walk at times for some. Furthermore, every single day they have to trade off the time that they could have otherwise spent with their families in exchange of work, which makes them economically independent.  When both parents work and spend their entire time outside of their homes, it gets quite difficult for the children. Back in the day, there was clear demarcation in terms of duties that men and women were expected to perform. Progressively, that line got fainter till it completely disappeared. Nowadays women have equal education and training opportunities as well as ability and willingness to put those skills to use in work set up in order to achieve economic freedom. However, it is worth mentioning that some women have no choice but to work and earn money in order to supplement their household incomes while many others choose the work life for financial freedom and liberty. Today, a working woman is seen with respect in terms of her social and economic status. There are number of advantages that a modern working woman enjoys as well as disadvantages that she has to undergo in her daily life.

Advantages:

  • Working women feel empowered due to their economic freedom.
  • Due to financial and economic freedom, they do command some kind of respect.
  • They play significant role in decision making pertaining to children, investments and other important family matters.
  • They are capable of exiting out of abusive relationships, which was earlier impossible.
  • They can address their material needs on their own.
  • They are not dependent on their partners for most of their financial needs, which further empowers them and raises their confidence and self esteem.

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Above mentioned advantages, no doubt are alluring and have shaped modern women, but do come with some serious disadvantages.

  • For working women the biggest challenge is to balance between work and family life, which in my view is quite difficult if not impossible.
  • The children in this kind of set up have to go through numerous difficulties as in the absence of either parent they have to be under the care of outsiders, professional child care givers or grandparents. Sometimes this arrangement is not conducive for the well rounded development of the young and dependent. As we say a mother’s love and care is irreplaceable. Children at times feel left out and neglected, as they need their mothers and not professionals for love. Mother’s love cannot be outsourced. Many working mothers, I am aware of go through this conflict day in and day out, but of no solace to them, as their work is as important to them as their children. The opportunity cost of staying at home and caring for children is a substantial loss of income for them which they cannot forgo and in many cases they couldn’t because their incomes are necessary for the smooth functioning of the family
  • Working women have the choice of freedom, but are not completely immune from the abuses from their partners.
  • Apart from working outside in a professional setup, they are expected to be super-efficient at home. They have added responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, homework and taking care of elderly members in a traditional family set up.
  • They spend limited number of hours with their young children and try to make it up by buying unnecessary gifts for their children, in the name of spending quality time. This creates entitlement class of kids who take most of the things for granted. This type of lifestyle, sometimes is quite confounding and challenging for the kids and make them vulnerable for deviant behavior in some cases.
  • Their role is mostly of a juggler. Despite technological advancements, most of the family functionalities still largely depend on the human and emotional factors, and machines cannot take care of those needs. Human touch is indispensable while raising a family. The professional women are aware of these challenges and try very hard to address all those needs. Furthermore, their constant struggle to be good professional and a good mother takes a serious toll on their emotional wellbeing and physical health at times.
  • Work environment can be very stressful at times for women and it’s quite possible for them to bring the stress of work at home thus adding more stress to the lives of other members of the family including children.
  • These women have very little or no time of relaxation entirely for them, as most of their free time is consumed in arranging and organizing the household needs as well as needs of children and other family members. Some of the work they easily outsource but still end up doing most of the work.

These disadvantages however significant come with a promise of materially better life in terms of amenities and material comforts and that is good enough reason for many women to follow this route.

Contrarily, homemakers or in my words women who work at home have many challenges and rewards of their own.

Advantages:

  • Work at home mothers (homemakers) are in charge of day to day activities and functioning of household more closely because of their mere presence and availability in the house.
  • Their presence in the house is also quite conducive for the overall development and growth of their children. They are readily available to address any pressing issue that comes up during the day pertaining to their children.
  • There is always a person of authority when children are home and chances of deviant behavior is minimized if not completely eliminated in the presence of a parent.
  • Children go through various emotional and physical changes throughout their young lives and the presence of a mother is highly beneficial because some issues are better handled by blood relatives and not by professional child care givers.
  • They are free from bringing the stresses of work in the house as they don’t have any external work stress other than their home.
  • They have more relaxed time for themselves and thus are in a position of enjoying some productive time for their own emotional wellbeing.
  • They are respected for the sacrifices they do for taking care of their children, partners and other family members.

Although, homemakers do enjoy certain perks and are respected for what they do also have numerous disadvantages.

  • Homemakers are not in a position of supplementing the family income, which could be quite handy for the material wellbeing of the family.
  • Most of the homemakers do not enjoy the financial freedom. For most of the major economic decisions of the family they are dependent on their husbands.
  • They are also overworked because of their unique situation, right from cooking, cleaning, rearing of children and most of the work related to the household.
  • They lack training and education especially in the lower sections of the society and therefore are more vulnerable to torturous situations and financial over dependence on their partners.
  • Women staying at home are more vulnerable to mental and physical abuses due to lack of financial freedom, although the abuses are not limited to them. Even working women go through mental and physical abuses from time to time. The only difference is, working women have the choice of walking out of that relationship, which in case of homemakers is little difficult if not impossible.
  • Although, the work done by homemakers if measured in monetary terms could quite surpass the earnings by working women. Their work is not seen in the same light and is considered as duties or chores and not as services which if bought could have costed money otherwise. This stereotypical thought sometimes leave homemakers with depleted self-confidence and lower self-esteem.
  • There constant presence at home is taken for granted by everybody and expectation levels are much higher compared to working women in terms of upkeep of the house, performance of the children and as far as organizing the house is concerned.
  • In comparison to working women, homemakers are not rewarded for their work and competence in monetary terms thus their contribution to the society is grossly undervalued and undermined.

I had the privilege to observe and share experiences of both types of women including myself, and their achievements are nothing less than commendable. I have seen competent working women who are excellent homemakers as well as highly educated and trained women who have chosen to be homemakers to look after their families. I have seen conflicts in their minds but not a defeat. The bottom line is not about who is earning money and who is not? The entire debate is about suiting your current situations. If your situations and circumstances permit you to have a fulfilling and worthy life at home, caring for your family, that is the best service you can do to yourself.  On the other hand if you are a sort of woman who wants to make use of her education and training to convert it into monetary returns and the situation permits you to do so, you must go out and make a living. There is no right and wrong lifestyle in this debate. It is all about the best possible solution for your current and future life style. Furthermore, the emphasis has to be more and more on the empowerment of women in terms of their training and education, their rights and liberties, freedom and dignity.

Unfortunately, women on both sides go through physical and mental abuses despite their economic status or lack of it. More than anything they need to be aware of their rights and should be trained enough to take care of themselves and their dependents in the wake of unforeseen events. Many women go through insurmountable hardships when the sole earning member of the family dies or divorce takes place. In that situation women if not trained to make a living would find their lives turned upside down. In the absence of any social or family security, that situation could completely destroy a normal family. Henceforth, the debate should rather be on women empowerment and not on who earns money or who cooks food.

There is also a third category of women, who have no choice but to go out and make a living to supplement their family’s income.  These women given a choice would have stayed at home and taken care of their children, but instead their earnings form a substantial part of the family kitty. In this type of situations it’s not a matter of choice but responsibility, which they have to carry out regardless of their hearts wishes. On the other hand there is a group of homemakers who have to stay at home due to their lack of proper training/ education, and sometimes due to their family’s cultural and social beliefs. In many communities women are not allowed to go out and work despite their training and willingness.  Additionally, these women are more vulnerable to mental and other kinds of abuses, which goes unnoticed many a times. These women have to be empowered more than anybody so that they could exercise their rights and liberties whenever the need arises.

Undoubtedly, modern women, whether working or staying at home have to wear many hats in order to ensure the smooth functioning of the modern life. Both groups suffer tremendous pressure to execute their duties and ensure the wellbeing of the entire family as well as their own. Subsequently, all women in general are homemakers, as they have to take care of the household responsibilities regardless of their occupation or lack of it. This debate has been going on for a long time and no explanation is conclusive in terms of which lifestyle is better than the other. Both groups carry significant advantages and disadvantages, therefore cannot be prescribed as a model for perfect living. Lifestyle is not an exact science and therefore varies from person to person. Lifestyle is a relative term and many social and economic determinants influence a person’s life and their decision making capabilities. Notably, sample study of two thousand working and non-working women and their respective outcomes cannot determine the blueprint for a model life for any woman. These are matters of hearts and economics. These are about the opportunity costs one is willing to bear. It’s simple, the opportunity cost of staying home is giving up the potential incomes. Conversely, opportunity cost of earning income is giving up precious time that one would have spent otherwise with the family. It is solely a discretion of a woman and her circumstances and nothing else. Certain matters should be completely left to be decided and taken care by women themselves and their unique situations and not by the fad of the society or any ongoing trend or trends.  They should be respected for what their choices are and how they deal with it rather than for some flimsy movement which is in vogue. The idea is to excel at whatever they chose to do and maintain their own wellbeing and happiness above all. In my view both groups are subject to great respect and appreciation for the work that they do to propagate and perpetuate the family system in the society. Subsequently, when women want to work and help improve the material comforts of the family should be respected for their choices, and not because they are better than those who have chosen to stay at home. None of these models are perfect, both can have positive as well as negative outcomes. Any person or group of persons condescending either group have nothing but disrespect for women, and their ideas should be absolutely discarded and denounced. Additionally, women deserve respect and should be revered for the hard work they do at home or in a professional set up. They should be appreciated for their choices and encouraged to further their strengths and abilities to execute their choices more efficiently and willingly. They should have enough training to make those choices and exercise their training whenever they want, free of any prejudices and guilt.

Conclusively, life is all about choices that we make and the decisions that we take based on those choices.  Women should be empowered to make those choices and not be a mere puppet of any situation. They must be courageous and strong enough to change the direction of any situation in their favor regardless of the roles they have opted to play. No role or work is small, if you take pride in doing it, as long as it has positive influence on your overall wellbeing.  It is of no consequence debating this further. Whether you are a career woman or a homemaker, you should be in absolute harmony with yourself in doing what you are doing. Don’t get conflicted by the views of society but, instead empower yourself and expand your knowledge to stand with pride and dignity. Furthermore, to get the respect that we desire from other people and our own family members, we must learn to respect ourselves and highlight our achievements at home and at work, or any occupation of our choosing. Dedicating our time and energy to the occupation we excel at is the best favor we can do to ourselves. Life’s ultimate goal is to achieve excellence and pride, and our energies should be directed toward achieving those goals irrespective of the place and work that we do. Homemaker or working mom, take pride in what you love doing and be in charge of you own life, rest is just noise.