We are social animals and society is a larger part of our existence. We can’t live without society and neither could society exist without us. However, in the same society, too often we find it extremely daunting to deal with the pressures of everyday living. Is society the culprit? The answer is no, society is not a person but we are– the real people, who make society. It’s quite obvious that we learn most of our life skills from other fellow human beings, who coexist with us in the society. Interestingly, most skills that we learn, are from the behaviors of other individuals, who reside with us in the same social infrastructure. Unfortunately, the very society that teaches us how to live, enjoy life, excel, and accomplish dreams also becomes an enabler for hatred, deceit, false egos, false pride, and constant comparisons.

The ability to excel and compete with each other for the pursuit of excellence and happiness, also paves way to compete against each other, in order to satisfy our false pride and ego. If I am not wrong, half the activities in our lives take place because we find ourselves under tremendous pressure from our peers, friends, neighbors and family; in other words keeping up with other folks.  Ironically we accept the success of some individuals, but envy the accomplishments of even the closest to us.

We accept the success of the most successful, with whom we are not related.

But we envy the accomplishments of those who are closer to home.

Subsequently, most of the things that we buy, compete with or against are influenced by our friends and family members. It’s human nature to compete and compare and feel good or bad depending on where we stand in comparison to others. For instance if your car is better than your neighbors you would feel slightly better. On the other hand, if your house is smaller than your friends or family members, you would experience an immediate decline in the feel good quotient. Ironically, no matter how hard you try, for most people comparison driven lifestyle is almost unavoidable.

The bottom line is most of us are on comparison superhighway. We have the tendency to constantly juxtapose ourselves against others. Even if there is no need to compare —we are driven by our own myopic views and curiosities about–what other folks are doing? What kind of life they are leading? Where do I stand in comparison ?

The questions that we put ourselves through, is both amusing and interesting. We unnecessarily bother ourselves by asking questions that have no substance whatsoever.

Example:

What others are doing?

Are they enjoying more?

Do they have more money?

Why they have all the fun and I don’t?

What did they do to get where they are right now?

Are they partying more?

Do they have vacation home in the mountains?

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How did they get the promotion I so badly needed?

Do I look fatter than her?

Has she lost weight?

How much they socialize?

Am I disorganized?

Are they smarter than me?

Does my boss like/ hate me?

How do they get to travel so much?

I am better/ worse than them.

My kids are better/ worse than them.

These questions are legitimate to ask, but baseless when asked in comparison to others. What someone else’s weight gain and loss has got to do with you. How someone’s appearance is going to affect yours? Why care about other people’s vacation plans? How your promotion is linked with theirs? How is their house going to change your standard of living? Instead you should watch your weight because it’s healthy way of life not because someone has lost or gained weight. You should be proud and confident about your own looks and talents, and try to enhance it, instead of feeling depressed about it.  Your promotion should be a direct result of your performance and expertise, and not because others got promoted. Unfortunately, there are numerous examples of unsophisticated comparisons that put us under enormous mental agony, agitation, and feelings of negative self-worth. Whether it’s property, education, job, vacation, looks and so on– nothing seems to be off limits. We keep comparing, without any intelligent thought or wisdom.

We have developed the habit of being in constant comparison with others, for no apparent reason. A healthy competition and comparison with each other in order to pursue excellence is one thing, but irrelevant comparisons for burnishing one’s self-motivated ego trip and false pride is altogether a different story.

The question is why? Why do we feel the urge to compare? Why can’t we appreciate our own lives and possessions? Frankly speaking no one knows the answer to this question. Seemingly, other people’s achievements appear more relevant and significant than our own. Too often their car appears shinier compared to our own.  We always feel that others are having better chances in life than us. The interesting thing is both parties feel the same about the other and therefore the cycle continues. The problem runs probably deeper than we think. Comparisons can affect different people with varying intensities. It can adversely affect someone’s life and lead them to negative self-image, if they are too deeply influenced by the images of others.

The idea of life was never to waste it on foolish comparisons and unrealistic expectations. Competition and comparison for the pursuit of happiness is constructive and can actually help build lives, and it should remain that way. It is worth noting that contentment is another way of acceptance and celebration of life as it is supposed to be. 

The best way to honor life is to feel proud of it. 

Baseless and meaningless comparisons do nothing, but put us into negative self-imagery, thus tarnishing the very promise of life. It is truly worth trying to live your own life on your own terms, and not be negatively motivated by the lives and accomplishments of others. It is self-defeating. We all are different from each other and therefore one size fits all approach has no substance. Comparison is an ongoing process if left unabated, and has the capacity to influence your life negatively. To lead a fuller, better and more robust life, you must get off the comparison train as soon as you can. That is proper thing to do. That is the better way of living. It always was and it always will be.